On Recovering

I have been drooling over a geodesic dome house that has been for sale for a number of months. I finally had the courage to arrange to see the interior. I had worked myself into quite an excited state as the doors opened. I had prepared myself for the “hell hole status” on the first floor and basement but was not at all prepared for the second floor.

There were no windows installed-just plywood triangles nailed where windows would go, no electricity or heat (which did not seem quite as bad on the two floors with windows). I could not tell if I was scared, disillusioned or in the early stages of creativity thought.

I wanted to like it more. I wanted to walk in and see myself living there. I kept feeling sadness and it occurred to me that whoever owned this house, was giving up their dream. It was obvious that they were in mid reconstruction when their dream stopped. Perhaps I had absorbed their sadness-I do that. I absorb…

At home, I began to cry, running through the two big disappointments in having invested (monetarily and emotionally) in two people in the past who took every cent I had (because I let them) and left me unable to come up with enough money to renovate this dome house….a house I want to make a dome home. Or do I? Have I recovered from being a “doormat” in the past?