I have to go to Baby Shower today.
Baby Room Themes…when I was pregnant, that was the second question people would ask me after, “What are you having?”. “What’s your theme?”
I had no idea what anyone was talking about? What “theme”? Man against nature? Man against societal pressure?
No, it was décor: butterflies, rainbows, lions…not “me” at all.
Still not “me” and not my now-15-year-old daughter. All I have ever wanted for her, was to find happiness, creative pursuits, financial independence and a comfort in knowing her way is “the way”.
I decorated her baby room with oil paintings of landscapes, with flat sculptures made of wood and metal; lovely “things” that expand the mind, the heart and the life.
As she grew, she loved pink…so funny as she owned nothing pink. So, I painted her room carnation pink, and she wanted “nature” hung on her walls. And so, a poster of the California Henry Cowell Redwoods, folk art, photos she had taken, artwork she had made…
And then, two years ago, she informed me that she was way past pink and that the only reason she hadn’t said something sooner, was that she didn’t want to hurt my feelings.
I had stunted her, unintentionally…she was ready to grow; she was growing and somehow I had communicated a too constricting love of her being young.
Change of rooms, change of color…nature still hangs, photos and artwork she and her best friend have created. Antiques, books…my old soul child.
When I painted her old room a sage green, I cried huge tears held inside…a passing, a mourning and a cleansing. I love going into that room. It’s my office. It has grown along with her, along with me.
And so, I’ll attend the Baby Shower…I’ll witness the narrow concept of what it means to be a baby boy and then I’ll return home, glad that I had no theme.