Where Do I Stand?

Where Do I Stand?

Non-Traditional, blended family…NTBF…that’s me and the life I have chosen for me and my daughter .

I wasn’t married when I had her, and went from that relationship to a now 12-year relationship with my Honey (my salt-of-the-earth man) and his two grown sons.

Before I came along into their lives, my youngest step-son (now 30) said that they were just “three guys living separate lives and now you’ve made it feel like ‘home’”.

It was one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. He is not a man to show emotions easily (neither is his dad). He and his wife just had a baby boy. At the hospital, I endured an awkward introduction to the nursing staff as “My dad’s girlfriend”. I’m 54 years old-“girlfriend” sounds insipid and temporary. What did I expect him to say? “This is my dad’s soul mate”…could that sound any more fake and forced? I guess that would be better than, “This is the only woman that can see through my dad’s BS and loves him for who he is”.

I’m 54 years old-“girlfriend” sounds insipid and temporary. What did I expect him to say? “This is my dad’s soul mate”…could that sound any more fake and forced? I guess that would be better than, “This is the only woman that can see through my dad’s BS and loves him for who he is”.

The rest of the world does not recognize me as a permanent fixture in their lives. I’m not officially their “step mom” and I’m not officially, anything. Why do I feel the pang of needing to “be”?

I’m not a “grandparent,” I’m not a wife, I’m not a step-mom…so what am I? Who am I in the lives of these people?

My incredible daughter is 15 ½ and in 3 short years, will be off for college. I am an Army Brat and have intermittently searched for a place to call “home” while all the while running from the constraints of that rooted life.

What kind of example have I set for my daughter? What kind of example have I set for myself?

After I held my Honey’s new grandchild, I felt so happy and so sad…15 years have gone so fast. Really, having my daughter is the only time I have felt like I belong on this planet. Her existence gave me the roots I wanted. Now, she is growing into this amazing young woman, and I have to figure out my life without her as my “existence”.

I can see how many people go from the “existence” of their children to their “existence” of their grandchildren…but for better or for worse, my NTBF status won’t allow that to happen. I have to figure it out on my own.

Maybe we do things in an “official manner” so that we have a title.   But, with no title, I have no societal expectations, just a periodic awkward introduction and a window to crawl through into the second half of my life.  Actually, it sounds really good.

 

 

 

 

 

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