You’re A…


Why are we labeling parenting styles?   I read an article yesterday about “Snowplow Parents” and when I finished it, I was just mad . I am  so weary of how we belittle people, usually women.  I have read articles about “Helicopter Parents,” “Free Range Parents”  “Bad Parents”  “Distracted Parents” and the list goes on…

When my daughter was in middle school, she had a wonderful chorus teacher who told them one day during class, “When you point your finger at someone else and condemn their actions, there are four fingers pointing back at you”.

Think about it (I can’t stop thinking about it).  Why are we so quick to rush to judgement and condemnation about the way that other women raise their children?  Do we really thrive when under the look- down -your nose attitude of others?  Does that cause us to reflect and then make change, or does it cause us to feel angry and lash out?  

What does this have to do with running an Herb Farm?  My perennials are starting to poke their beautiful heads through the cold March soil.  Many have outgrown the borders of “their spot”.  I don’t condemn them for doing so,  I don’t seek to label them (Oh, you’re a Borderless Bee Balm!)  I just decide as the gardener whether they have enough room to thrive there, or whether I will divide them soon and transplant them where they (and I) will have more room to grow.  

I am sure that there are gardeners out there who would judge me and scream that the “best time to divide and transplant is in the Fall!”  That may be for them, but it wasn’t for me and I’m okay with that.  Unless you want to come into my garden (with my permission) and dig and divide in the fall, stay in your own garden with your advice.

Mom told me long ago, “Mary, no one wants your unsolicited advice.  It comes across as judgement, and not in a good way”.  I suppose some could argue that I am doing that with my Blog, but people have the choice to read it or not.  It is not “required reading” for school.

My hope for today, is that we all work to support one another by being the best version of ourselves.  I am less than perfect.  I am flawed.  I am a mother and I love my child so much, sometimes it hurts.  You have mothered/fathered differently than I do, but you had/have different children.  

So, let’s all be a little more gentle with each other.  If you see someone struggling, see how you can help them with actions, and not with condemnation.  If they don’t want your help , leave with a smile and a wish of “Peaceful Day” to them and I will do the same.  Oh…why the photo of our kitty on the table (where she isn’t supposed to be) in a basket of herbs  (where she REALLY isn’t supposed to be)?  She just looks so peaceful-may it be so for you.

2 thoughts on “You’re A…

  1. Kristy

    I love this, Mary! I’m not a mother but I cringe anytime I see an article that condemns another woman for how she parents. Once a “friend” told me I was a bad person for having indoor-only cats. A judgement on my “parenting”. I honestly will never hang out with her again! I can only imagine how triggered parents with human kids feel!


    1. inaredwood Post author

      I have also been judged for my “indoor-only” cat. How does someone feel free to decide what I think/believe is what our kitty and we want for her? She is happy, we are happy…she is safe, we are safe…it’s perhaps not for all people/animals but it “is” for our family. Thank you, Dearest Friend for reading and for being such a beacon of authenticity.



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